The Wild Insights

I went to the doctor to do a diagnostic mammogram which resulted in their recommendation to do a biopsy. Even though it was not the first time I heard about a breast biopsy I anyways required detailed information about the procedure to clarify my mind and decide when, how, and where to do it. After a precise explanation by the doctor, the next step was to wait 24 hours to be sure my data was in the electronic system and then proceed on asking for an appointment to do the biopsy.

When I got home I went to the internet and checked different videos on different ways to perform the specific biopsy that they recommended to me (stereotactic core needle biopsy). I want to clarify that I am totally nervous with needles penetrating my skin or anyone else’s skin. I do not like to see any scene or real life of needles penetrating anyone’s skin. When I’m watching a movie and somebody takes out a syringe to inject a person I can’t take it, this is very disturbing for me. Another situation that makes me very nervous is going to the dentist. The thinking of it makes me sweat, but if I need a job done in any of my teeth or molars, I require anesthesia but I refuse to see the needle or think too much about it. It is funny because after having four kids in normal birth and refusing any anesthesia for fear of the needle it is curious that my trauma with the dentist makes me accept the anesthesia. But that was what made me be a bit better with the procedure in the biopsy, that according to the doctor’s explanation and the videos I checked, I was going to have my breast numbed.

In the procedure, this biopsy is done by inserting a needle into your breast and extracting with it tissue samples of the area they want to study. The needle is more like a small tube similar in thickness to a straw used to mix sugar in coffee. The samples are sent to a pathologist that determine if they are negative, you are good, or positive, you have some kind of cancer.

I saw the videos and the next day I called at the appropriate time. I called as soon as the window opened because my thought was “if I have the appointment I will have to do it and I won’t be able to chicken out of it”. I was blessed with the chance to receive the procedure the very next day, so my diagnostic mammogram was a Tuesday, I called to get the biopsy on Wednesday, and the appointment for the biopsy was for Thursday. It was good. Fast enough for not having to think about it too much, and getting too nervous about it, but time enough to prepare me mentally, time of convincing myself that everything was going to be okay and that it will pass in few hours.

I have to admit to you, I was really afraid. Not of the possible results, in fact, by the time I am writing this, I haven’t yet received the answer about the biopsy, but I am still in much better condition waiting for it that I was waiting for the procedure. I’m a person of faith and no matter the situation you are living or the dryness that may seem in the way, when you are a person of faith you always go to the guy that is always there for you, why? because you are a person of faith. So, what did I do? I went to the guy that is my friend and has always been my friend. I asked for fortitude, for, you know, being strong, for being collective, and being relaxed. I just started praying for the people that like me was going to receive this procedure, and I asked for the same thing for them, fortitude, strength. And I started praying for people that were waiting for the results of the biopsy because I know that people get really nervous and scare while waiting on the result of a biopsy made in the breast because everybody’s so scared that they’re going to be told that they have cancer. Just the word cancer is a terror for people. Me, I’m almost convinced I’m going to be a negative result meaning that I won’t be having cancer but I have also given a little bit of thought about being positive and having cancer, so I just pray to God for that fortitude and for being strong and having enough energy to go through whatever it takes. Also, I was very thankful for how everything was developing.

So, I went on Thursday. I was fine because I have been talking to myself making a mental conviction that everything was going to be fine. I did all my mental exercises to be strong and not to feel alone and not feel sorry for myself because this is a procedure that many women get done and I was not the only one there. There was not a reason to consider myself as a singular person, I wanted to be solidary with all the other people that have to do the same thing and pass by the same difficult situation of having a biopsy done. I convinced myself to be brave also thinking about all that Jesus Christ had to experience during his passion, and if you think of that, having a needle inserted in your breast was just a little simple thing. I prayed too to Dr. Jose Gregorio Hernandez: “please help me”.

The bed is long with a hole in the middle of it to let you lay face down, legs to one side or the other depending on the breast on which you are going to have the procedure performed. You could see videos online where they show you, I am just stating my experience. You are helped to get into the bed and lay face down and put your breast through the hole. The bed is then raised so the doctors and nurses could work in the machine that is under it. They proceed to compress your breast as if you’re going to have a screening mammogram and they screen it in several angles to find the exact position of the place from where they want to take the samples and of where to insert the needle.

After that, they clean your breast to inject the anesthesia. By that moment I was helped by somebody, either one of the nurses or the main doctor. That person was with her hand in my back and was doing lightly touches in my shoulder similar to what you do to soothe a baby. She was doing that to my back and I was thinking “I am a baby now”, but it was so nice because it actually takes your attention from the reality that you’re going to be having a needle in your breast numbing it and after that, a bigger needle penetrating it. The team that worked on me was very nice and I actually didn’t feel much, just a little pinch, the first one, but after that, I didn’t feel anything else.

The worst part is that you have to stay there for a long time, I would say for at least 45 to 50 minutes. Facing down with one of your breasts throughout a hole and the hands in a position as not to interrupt anything over the table, your legs in a way that you won’t need to move for a while, this is not the most comfortable position even though they try to make you comfortable by putting more support in different areas that you may manifest before the procedure starts. I heard the machine sounds and the team conversations, and they keep asking me if I was okay, if I needed a blanket or if I felt pain. But in any way, you are supposed to be still and I was thinking that “if because I move they have to do this all over again, oh my God! so I better stay still”. And that was what kept me from moving because actually after some minutes in there you really want to stretch. And when they asked questions I answered with my fingers or whispering, I didn’t want to talk with my normal voice because I move my diaphragm too much while talking and I didn’t want to move at all.

There was also a picture in the wall I was facing and when the procedure finished I told the nurse that it was good to have a picture there because that way the patients could distract themselves with the picture. I said that because there was a moment during the procedure where I really had to concentrate into stop trembling because unconsciously I started making a cyclical movement like shuddering.  Maybe because I was too nervous, even though for me I was consciously calmed and keep on telling myself to lessen my tension, to relax my muscles, but I guess subconsciously it was not that real. Or maybe it was the tiredness of the muscles or I don’t know, but several times I had to gather all my strength and concentration to avoid trembling. I had to think of something else, started talking seriously to God and saying “hey, a help here”, I was trying to change my attention fast from the picture to my hands or looking again to the picture or concentrating on something. I started a prayer or moved to think of something nice on the beach or something nice with my kids or doing whatever to change my thinking about the trembling. Those things would do the trick and I had to do that like three times. It was a good relief when finally I started to feel that they were kind of handling my breast and told me that they were holding it to help me move out of bet which they instructed me to do very slowly and carefully due to the time I expended immobile in there. I was really, really, glad. I’m happy that it was done. Yes, as I said, the most difficult part is trying to stay still and not moving for that period of time.

As I said before, I haven’t got the results yet but I’m good. I was glad that I just waited for it one afternoon. I am really happy that this had passed and I wanted to share these emotions and this experience with people because I know that many of us have to have this procedure or had it already or are going to have it ordered. So, you guys I hope you feel okay, I pray for your strength and calmness. I’m going to continue being strong myself, we females we have to be strong okay. I am we you, we are in this together.